A depressing message from a troubled gay boy ….

sad boy #2Hi, friends and readers:

I try to keep things light on this website; it’s intended to entertain, and to familiarize people with my books, as well as chronicling my terribly exciting life.

Of course, I receive many messages each day from readers and from folks who follow this site, and I do like hearing from people but I don’t often post their comments. I’ll deviate form that practice today. Here’s a message I received while I was away in California. I only read it last night, and it made me want to cry:

“Hi, Martin:

“I’m Kolton. I’m 16. I live in a medium size town in north Georgia where social life for kids my age revolves around school and church. My dad’s a postal worker, my mom works at a bank. I have an older sister who is popular at school, but I’m not because I’m not athletic. I’m skinny and I wear eyeglasses and no one pays much attention to me except some of my teachers since I get good grades.

sad boy #7“I figured out I was gay when I was 12 when I started having feelings for a boy in my neighborhood, but I knew better than to tell him ’cause he’s a jock and all. I just kept my feelings to myself.

“Now that I’m in high school I have the same kind of feelings for boys in my classes, but it sucks because I can’t do anything about those feelings. This is a conservative place. Being gay is not at all cool here. You tell someone you’re gay and they’ll think you’re a pervert.

sad boy #8I tried meeting guys over the Internet on some hook-up sites, but you know how that is. The guys there only want sex, they don’t want to get to know you, and I want a boyfriend, someone I can talk to and spend time with. But I don’t think it will ever happen, not as long as I live here. so I spend my weekends alone, watching TV or playing X-Box or whatever. And sometimes I get so lonely and sad I just want to jump in front of a moving car so I can get my shitty life over with. I’m sorry to use the word shitty, but that’s what my life is.

“I wonder if anyone else out there has the same situation? Any suggestions on how to deal with it? Thanks for listening to me.”

Okay, I have replied privately to Kolton, rest assured. But if someone else would like to say something to Kolton, feel free to send me your comment and I will post it if I htink it might be helpful.

Have a nice Wednesday, friends.

4 thoughts on “A depressing message from a troubled gay boy ….

  1. Hi Martin, I read about Kolton. I’m right around your age and from your blog it sounds as tho we are somewhat alike. That is we are much “younger” than our peers . So you will recall the bad old days. I feel for Kolton because my life was just like his at his age. Only there was no internet so I thought I was the only one in the world who felt as I did. We both know that at his age 21 seems incomprehensible let alone 30 (and up)…but if you think it will help please let him know he’s not alone – maybe for right now – but life gets better every year. I don’t have the relationship you have (sounds great btw!) but I have well founded hope. It can/will be the same for him. Glad your blog is out there Martin! I wonder how many Koltons read it but don’t write? You may be saving lives. Keep up the good work – and go Gators!

    • Hi, Terry:

      I’ll pass along your kind words to Kolton, and thanks for taking the time to write. It was tragic how the Gators lost Will Grier over something so stupid as PEDs, but Will exercised poor judgment and then we all paid the price for it. 🙁 Hope you are well.


      • Hi Martin! It has been a few years since I have last left a reply on here but I thought I should chime in on what Kolton wrote. I used to live in the small homogeneous town that I will always remember as the shit hole of Montana. I know exactly how Kolton feels too. I was basically ostracized in gym class, along with called a retard on top of that because I literally sucked at every sport. The worst part was when they would go to pick team members from the line. The only time I was not picked last was when someone who was even lower on the totem pole was still there. I fondly remember liking this one boy when I was a junior. I became friends with him through another friend in school. I went to his house a few times. Over a period of time I started to develop feelings for him but it was never reciprocated. When you fall in love hard, and I mean freaking hard, it takes a long ass time for you to get over that person. I think it might have taken me a year before I finally stopped having dreams about him. Unfortunately I am still alone. I am currently a college student right now and when you make it to that stage of your life you are going to see so many damn hotties running around the halls that your eyes might pop out and try to follow them. Kolton, I ask that you hang in there. Don’t get any ideas of suicide attempts either. It is going to take an indefinite amount of time before you find your someone and I know because I still haven’t. I hope this little paragraph helped. Have a good day young one and enjoy what you have right now. I emphasize that because tomorrow is not promised to anyone.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *